I need you

Sometimes what I need is way more than words. Not all the words in the world could mean as much as laying on your arms, some days. 'Cause I don't have anything to say. I can't excuse myself for what I do. I don't know why I do it, and you being here would probably don't change a thing. I binge 'cause I feel empty, I restrict later because I feel too full, I cut because I'm a failure and I need some kind of punishment. I don't want anybody's pity, I just want someone to yell at me and beg me to stop. I want someone to force me to stop. To literally yell at me telling me I AM worth it, that I am NOT a failure.
I just need something. I need security. I need to know you're mine and I need to know you're keeping me despite how messed up I already am and how messed up I will become. I need to be sure that your eyes shine when you say my name.
I could find a milion reasons to love you, but none would be more important than having someone that loves me.

{found on my Math's notebook, it is old, from a few weeks ago. but... still makes sense.}