I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with my jeans not fitting and being fat right now.
No matter how often you tell me I'm beautiful and healthy, I don't feel healthy. I feel obese. I'm (not so slowly) going back to how I was before, weight wise, even if I'm supposedly a lot healthier now.
I can't be healthier. If I was healthier, that would reflect on my body. I want my body from last year back. I want to be thinner than I was last year. I want to be tiny. I want to be lifted like a feather. I want to put on any clothes and look effortless beautiful. I want to be pale and cold and fragile looking.
Yep, I'm going back there. And I won't let myself be stopped. I can't.
Happy 2010.
