Casa Pré-Fabricada

Eu já nem sei mais o que eu quero.
Só sei que vem aquela saudade de repente, eu nem sei bem do quê... mas eu só queria que fosse tudo como antes.

Só que eu já nem sei quando era o antes...

Então eu acho que quero que seja tudo como depois.

.

I still read everything you write and pretend it's really about me, even though I know it's not.

I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong.

The End.

If it is over, there is no reason for this blog anymore.

You always knew, better than me, that the whole purpose of this blog was to keep you updated on how I was doing, since nobody else came here at all.

Life is good and you don't have to worry.

I love you. Our love was the strangest thing I've ever experienced in my life, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over it and just love someone else the same way.

I still need to be with you. As soon as I can. I made that promise, and I need that.
It won't be over until we meet in person. That's the only thing I need to feel safe enough to close this chapter.

Thank you for everything. You filled my heart with passion and my mind with thoughts. I wasn't always happy, but I felt alive. I know that when I look back into my life, those late night talks will be on the back of my mind.

Thank you. It's time for me to leave, now.
Next time we talk, I'll be at your door. I don't know when will that be, but I can guarantee you that.

"And in the darkest nights if my memory serves me right I'll never turn back time, forgetting you but not the time."

Lisbon Revisited

"Ó mágoa revisitada, Lisboa de outrora de hoje!
Nada me dais, nada me tirais, nada sois que eu me sinta.
Deixem-me em paz! Não tardo, que eu nunca tardo...
E enquanto tarda o Abismo e o Silêncio quero estar sozinho!"
1923/2006

"Outra vez te revejo,
Mas, ai, a mim não me revejo!
Partiu-se o espelho mágico em que me revia idêntico,
E em cada fragmento fatídico vejo só um bocado de mim -
Um bocado de ti e de mim!..."
1926/2011

Farewell, Alexander Search, 1907

"Farewell, farewell for ever!
I cannot more remain;
Far wider things our hearts do sever
Than continent or main -
Pride and distance and inaptness
To feel each other's joy, distress.

Farewell, farewell for ever!
Be it not said by thee
My heart was weaker, thy heart braver
In mutual misery.
But parted were we, be it said,
As are the living from the dead.

Farewell, farewell for ever!
Since love leaves not behind
Not even friendship, nor endeavour,
Nor sorrow wild or kind...
'Tis fit indeed those souls be parted
That cannot e'er be broken-hearted.

Farewell, farewell for ever!
'Tis time this thing were done,
When love is cold which was a fever
And vulgar as a stone,
When life from woe to woe doth flee
And change itself is misery."

Souvenir, by Alexander Search, 1904 *

“How sweetly sad it is sometimes to hear
Some old loved sound to memory recalled,
To see, as if in dreams, some old dear face,
Some landscape’s stretch, some field, some dale, some stream,
A memory so sudden, sad and pleasent,
Aught that recalls the days of happy youth.
Then spring in happy pain the tears that wait,
Those subtle tears that wait on thought, and all -
Field, stream and voice - all that we hear or see -
Goes from the sense, adorned with mem’ry’s hand
And merges slowly into dreamy light.
I wake; alas! by dreams I was betrayed.
‘Tis but a semblance that I feel and hear
Because the past, alas! cannot return.
These fields are not the fields I knew, these sounds
Are not the sounds I knew; all those are gone,
And all the past - alas! cannot return.”

*which pretty much means: Pessoa wrote this fucking awesome shit at 16.