Homecoming

It does feel like coming home, after being away for a long time.
I wouldn't do it any other way.

Snuff.

It's weird, because when David broke up with me I was like... I thought I would never do that to anyone. Like, breaking up with someone without an actual visible reason. But I just did it. And now I definitely get it. You can say that you can work through things even if you don't feel the same, but sometimes it's just not worth it. Sometimes you just know it won't be worth it in the end.

I still love Ricardo, but I can't do this right now. I'm not in love anymore, and I can't lie to myself anymore about that. Things have been going downhill from there and they would only be getting worst, and it's not worth it. It's not worth it when I'm only 17 and have a whole lot more to live. It could be worth it if I was 28 or 30 and wanted to get married and settle down. Then, sure, I probably would stick with him and make things work. But not right now.

I want to go through a "slut" phase, I want to go through a "forever alone" phase, I want to focus on school for a while, I want a lot of things that I can't have as long as I have a boyfriend.

And that's why I don't regret anything. It was probably the best fucking year of my life. But you need to know when it's time to end it. You need to know when it's time to leave.

And right now, it's time to leave. It's time for me not to hold on to it anymore, 'cause I don't need it now. I am strong enough to be alone. I am strong enough to do a lot of things. He made me trust myself a lot more, he made me be proud of myself a lot more, and I'll forever be grateful of that. But he deserves someone who cares.

"All I know is that I love you too much to walk away."

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that's alright because I love the way you lie."